My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
