I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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