I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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