oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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