I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
