I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
