Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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