You work out of a Hotel?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
