Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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