I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
