i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
