i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
