I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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