The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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