She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
