This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
