My hand turned me down
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Randomize
