my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
