i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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