he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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