thus making me awesome and them whores
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
