someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
