The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
