Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
