mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im holly from the hills drunk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
