I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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