i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
