How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
