He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
