I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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