I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
