Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
