susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
