she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
