I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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