but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Four minutes until I can fart!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
