You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
