umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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