My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
