Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
