the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
