Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
