Need sex. Gaining weight.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My cat gives me a boner
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
