just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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