i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
