Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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