I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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