I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
