I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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