Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
