i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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