You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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