You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
