Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
