Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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