i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
