Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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