so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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