I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
