I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
