Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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