I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
