11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
