and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
