I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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