Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
